is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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