im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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