so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Randomize
