If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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