Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
