I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
