you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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