thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
