her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
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long story
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weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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