Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
