He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
