i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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