I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
