So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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