she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
