Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
