You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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