Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
