Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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