so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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