I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
