The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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