I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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