it hurts more in the daytime
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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