I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
