; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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