I'm lost and stupid without you.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
You've changed since you got that strap on
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Randomize
