last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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