Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
