I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
