butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
