I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
