dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
You brought string cheese to the strip club
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
