Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
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