do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
