Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
