If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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