So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
