aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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