can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
