This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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