my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I got inside last night via doggy door
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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