I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
