I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
