i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
