how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
