You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
