Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
