my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
