He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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