The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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